"No one knows you like you know yourself"

Doesn't that saying just get old. What really confuses me is how do you know yourself or who you are? When think about it, I'm not to sure I know myself. I mean, how can you tell? One day I will know who I am and then the next day I think I'm the total opposite. It's really hard to find myself. I have boundaries and I know what I want(sometimes). But, I don't know who I am. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward through some of the little things. Just answer this, "How do you know who you are?"

Being Yourself vs. Being Someone Else

I have always been the one to say when watching a movie about someone acting like their someone else, "Why don't they just be themselves?" Well, for me it seems that doesn't apply much. Lately, I have been fighting whether I'm being myself or being someone else. Honestly, I don't think I know the difference period. Learning about myself is something I have been working on. Another I been working on is doing what I want. Doing what I want goes along with being myself. Forget trying to do what other people want I'm going to do what I want. I guess about this post I need to recognize what being myself to define what being someone else is about.

"My Heart Was Hurting As If It Was Going To Explode!"

My weekend wasn't what I had expected. One, I missed one of my closest friends bashing party for her birthday. The best part is it was R rated. Bad part I couldn't attend. Two, Friday night wasn't the greatest night. Something just kind of hit me hard with no sign of it coming. Three, a had a late call on babysitting all weekend.

This is what happened...

Friday night was suppose to be fun. It was our football game and most of my friends were there. Good time right? It all started when the boy called. I was at the game so, he said he would call me back. Willingly, I said, "I will be waiting for you to call." I had no clue what had just came out my mouth after I had said. Even I was surprised at what I said. Later on, he called I was still at the game and I said, "You should call me later." He responded, "No, I don't think." That had ended the conversation quick. He said by and so did I. My smile had went to a frown quick. Rapidly, my emotions started going crazy. I started thinking about my past relationship. (Not to long I had ended a relationship with someone I fell in love with. And I mean fell in love with.)My thoughts were running in my head about how I was so happy then. I replayed all our little moments. This was so unexpected! It seriously hit like a bus! My eyes began to water up and people started to notice. I couldn't get my mind off of it. Friends started asking questions what's wrong and are you okay. Honestly, I wanted to blurt out I fell in love that's what and I'm still in love. Then I rethought what I was thinking and didn't say anything. Anything but I'm fine and It's okay. Surprisingly, I held it inside. Then, as soon as I got to my babysitting job house. It all came out! I bawled with silence so, I wouldn't wake anyone up. Without thinking I texted the one I fell in love with and played it out cool. The text said, "hey what you doing?" Unfortunately, the one I fell in love with never text me back. I just needed
t talk to that person. That person was the only one that made me feel better. That night I just cried myself to sleep. I haven't cried myself to sleep in a long time. But, that night my heart was hurting and when that happens I know I'm going to cry or need to.

The next day I was kind of better but, still not good. So, while babysitting I watched love films and read one of my almost love story. Hour after hour I got better. But, I still couldn't shake the feeling away that I could never have the one I love ever again.